Body Image Issues

I’m OK with Not Being Perfect

Every person is different and that’s what makes them unique and actually perfect in themselves.

The concept of perfection has become so flawed and yet so rampant that many of us have started comparing ourselves to everyone on social media. There are many aspects of comparison but comparing the shape and size of bodies is the most common. Daily we look enviously at models, skinny moms, actresses and even at our neighborhood lady. While comparing, we forget that everybody not only has different body types but also completely different lifestyles and priorities. This is where Body Positivity comes in.

Body Positivity Articles
It’s human nature to compare and proliferation of social media has made it very easy. Isn’t it funny how many of us end up losing our mental peace for something that is not even worth it most of the times? There’s no smartness in valuing your body over your being.

I was never skinny but never fat either. By the time I entered late thirties, I started seeing changes in my body. I gained weight easily and didn’t seem to lose it easily. Then I got pregnant and put on another 10 kilograms. I lost it all within two months of delivery but didn’t lose many inches and soon after, I started gaining weight again.
I started walking and some exercise but couldn’t get regular thanks to mommy duties. We live in a nuclear setup and don’t have full time maids which meant that I couldn’t find time for my own health. Rather than going crazy, I decided to look at Body Positivity. A good thing I have started during this time is intermittent fasting which helps even though I end up eating sweets quite often. The guilt creeps up but still self-control isn’t my forte. Who can I blame then?

body positivity
Rather than wanting a toned body without doing much about it, I have started to take things as they come. I feel good now that I have decided to take things as they come, I’ve become more confident.

You might say that you are doing everything and still very far from your ideal weight; it can just be your body type or maybe you need a little more time. The plan should be to never give up on yourself. Fat or thin, you need to love yourself. It’s not that I don’t want to lose 10 kgs but I have accepted that it will take some time. Till then, I try to pose in flattering angles and embrace Body Positivity 😛
I’m okay with not being perfect
‘Cause that’s perfect to me
‘Cause that’s perfect to me
‘Cause that’s perfect to me

Do you also feel that awareness about Body Positivity is important?

I thank Priyanka Sehgal who blogs at https://mommynshanaya.wordpress.com for introducing me. She is a dear friend who writes about things close to her heart on her blog. I would also take the opportunity to introduce Sthuti Panigrahy Singh who blogs at https://mommyaccountsays.wordpress.com.

It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers, am celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. This post is a part of #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon hosted by @mylittlemuffin_mom @mommyvoyage and @themomsagas, sponsored by @kaurageousyou.

Self Love Quotes

How I Discovered Self Love by Shaking Things Off

Shake it off, shake it off…

Self Love is our first and last love & this song ‘Shake It Off’ by my favourite Taylor Swift speaks my mind.

I never fitted in the standards that our society has set for being ‘beautiful’. Being dusky with average features and glasses is hardly what one will call a pretty girl. My friend was fair and was pleasant to look at. Even though we were always together, I could never shake off the feeling that she is getting compliments, getting noticed while I was just ‘her friend’.

Not just looks, I never felt confident about any of my capabilities. I was always shy about saying what I wanted. My parents didn’t pay attention to this thing and never really encouraged me to speak up. In my home, we did what our father said and that was it. I was so timid that I kept doing things, I didn’t actually want. I got my real voice only after marriage but wasn’t able to shake off the feeling of not being able to realize my potential in the direction I wanted.

Self Love Images

And then came motherhood with a whole new set of expectations and dos and don’ts. They said that babywearing is bad for baby’s bones. They said that you should have continued breastfeeding your baby till she was 3. They said that you should have lost all the pregnancy weight in a year. Initially, I went crazy thinking about everything that I had to do and the person I had to become. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of not being the ‘perfect mom’ we see on Internet and everywhere in media.

Still, somewhere I knew that I will get around to doing this mom-thing in a way that suited me and my family. I knew because I had already dealt with a society biased towards ‘beauty’ and that wanted me to do what I was ‘supposed to do’. This slowly yet constantly increasing confidence didn’t come overnight. It came when I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. It came when I made peace with my appearance. It came when I left my ‘secure’ job and explored opportunities that interested me. It came when I saw my daughter growing well and turning into a clingy toddler. Yes, even a nerve-wracking toddler is a sign that you are a great mother because the baby trusts you completely. This all contributed to my realization of Self Love.

Self Love

I am dancing on my own and many times with my daughter in my arms (clinginess!) but the music in my mind says that it’s going to be alright. And I trust that music now because right now I am the most self-assured, I have ever been. This is Self Love and I am proud to be moving in the right direction. I am never going to be perfect but I am just right so Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake…

I shake it off, I shake it off.

Do you practice Self Love?

I thank Priyanka Sehgal who blogs at https://mommynshanaya.wordpress.com for introducing me. She is a dear friend who writes about things close to her heart on her blog. I would also take the opportunity to introduce Sthuti Panigrahy Singh who blogs at https://mommyaccountsays.wordpress.com.

It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers, am celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. This post is a part of #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon hosted by @mylittlemuffin_mom @mommyvoyage and @themomsagas, sponsored by @kaurageousyou.

How To Deal With Physical and Emotional Exhaustion

Mommy Is Tired But Here’s How She Deals With It

The life of a mom and tiredness are mostly inseparable. Yesterday, a mom sent me a DM asking how I am not tired while she feels dull in just an hour. The mom in question is really young and has an almost 2 year old baby.

I responded by saying that even I am tired all the time but her question was how she can come out of it. Such a thing is somewhat difficult to answer as every mom lives in different circumstances. For me, in the first year of motherhood, I hired a cook while a cleaning lady was always there. I don’t have to give breakfast and lunch to the husband as he gets it all in the office. When the baby is small there is no real mess to take care of so I managed despite several meltdowns that happened purely because I was learning to be a mom. And yes, I left my work-from-home job to avoid exhaustion.

Why Is Mommy Tired

Recently, I have let my cook go as Idhaya plays independently for some time and I can cook for two people then. I just cook the basics nothing fancy. Don’t get fooled though as many of these simple meals are cooked while Idhaya is clinging to my leg. Still, with not much to do, I manage to take a little rest here and there. I sleep by 10:30 mostly and wake up by 6 to go for a walk. It helps that Idhaya sleeps through the night and is completely weaned off breastfeeding.

It can still get tiring as I have to be on my toes with a toddler but following things help-

Eating Well- Eat fresh and healthy food. Don’t compromise on this however busy or tired you are. I am not suggesting anything fancy, just normal home-cooked food that you eat. Ask your doctor and include some supplements as well. Some people say that supplements are not essential. They aren’t but they help a lot especially if you are a mother.

Overcoming Tired Mom Syndrome

Off-loading- Or sharing your work whether it’s with hired help, your husband or any other member of the family. Ask for help from family and if they deny, do only as much as you can. Don’t try to make everyone happy.

Letting it be- Mess can wait, peace of mind can’t. Don’t try to keep your house spick and span all the time. It will come crashing down anyway when you have a baby. Give your time to only the things that need immediate attention.

Cutting off- When Idhaya sleeps, I go in hibernation mode too. I completely forget that there’s so much to do. In her nap-time, I only do the things that make me happy. There are exceptions sometimes but only when something is really important. If possible, leave the baby at home and go out alone even it’s for just an hour.

Staying Happy- This coming from a person who always finds a reason to sulk is kind of groundbreaking. Trust me, it helps. It’s not easy to be happy when there is so much around to drive you crazy but now I am learning to smile at Idhaya’s antics whether she breaks something or spills water or poops in her nappy during her diaper free time. I feel that you have to deal with it anyway so why not do it calmly. My husband has noticed this change and keeps complimenting me. Keep distance from negative and judgmental people. They don’t deserve your attention so don’t let them get to you. Simply brush off the things that you don’t like.

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

And you know what will work best? Chuck all the advice, dance without music while folding the laundry or sing at the top of your voice. Sounds weird but it’s fun and makes you feel lighter.

Tiredness is not just physical but also mental so channel your energies only on the important things. Life feels lighter and happier this way.

Mom Guilt Toddler

Mom Guilt and How I Deal With It

As if the life of a mother wasn’t tough already, Mom-Guilt creeps up to make it even harder. Mom-Guilt is simply a feeling that you have committed a blunder or many blunders while carrying out your motherhood duties. It can be something as simple as taking out time for yourself or something big like having a second child.

Like any other mom, I go on such guilt-trips multiple times a day- when I raise my voice at Idhaya, when I fail to notice that she has pooped and she stays in the soiled diapers for some time, when I forget her iron-dosage, when I give her a little extra screen time…the list of reasons behind mom-guilt is endless.

The guilt trip lasts for anywhere between a few seconds to a year or more (I have only this much experience being a mommy!). I read a lot of articles about Mom-Guilt and have found out that there’s no escaping this feeling.

Mom Guilt Trip

You can never be the perfect mom because there’s no such thing. The perfect mom is like a Unicorn which people believe exists but no one has actually seen it. If you are making nutritious food, doing the laundry, giving the medicines on time then there is every possibility that you will miss out on the diaper change that’s supposed to happen every 2-3 hours.

My other finding about Mom-Guilt is that if you feel it, you care a lot about your kids. After all, we worry only about the stuff we care for. It means that you are not such a bad mother after all!

My biggest Mom-Guilts are giving Idhaya screen-time, yelling at her, using disposable diapers and not giving my 100% attention to her all the time. Other little things keep happening but I get over them quickly.

Dealing with mom guilt

How I Deal With Mom-Guilt

Screen-Time- At the beginning, I had decided that I wouldn’t let Idhaya watch TV before she turns 2 years old but guess what, Idhaya has been watching TV since she was about 10 months old. It’s not like she watches it whole day but she does watch it. The most important time is morning, when I need to prepare breakfast for the two of us and then need to have my Tea with it. I turn on TV and get some relief. Still, she doesn’t stay in front of it for long as she misses her Momma a little too much. I also give her screen-time when I want to watch something interesting on TV so obviously she gives me company.

Rather than going on a guilt-trip, I have understood that I won’t be able to stay sane sans TV for her. A sane mom raises a sane baby so it’s OK.

Yelling- I am a short tempered and impatient person. Though I have tried to control these vices, I still haven’t been able to stay calm when Idhaya does something that I don’t like. I completely understand that she is a baby and still learning so she’s bound to do things as she likes.

Yelling occasionally is still fine but when I find myself loosing my s**t way too much, I give myself a reality check. I also tell myself that I will overcome this with time. Many times, when I just can’t control myself, I calm down by telling myself that what Idhaya is doing right now won’t matter in a few years. I care about her and it’s my duty that I don’t pass on my temperament to her. Thinking like this helps, trust me.

How to deal with mom guilt

Using Disposable Diapers- I tried but washing poopy diapers is simply not my thing. Besides poop, babies also need to be monitored for pee and I just can’t keep changing cloth nappies or even the modern cloth-diapers all day. As I just told that I am already short tempered, dealing with pee and poop will surely make me go wild. There are other ways to care about our environment and I follow them like not wasting water and electricity.

Not Paying Attention- As much as I try, it’s not always possible for me to be 100% present in every moment. I kick myself for this and feel that she will grow up and I will miss out. Then I realize that I am around her at all times whether watching her every movement or not. I ensure that she’s safe and clean and happy. Isn’t it enough? Mamma needs to zone out sometimes to realize that her baby is the most precious thing she has made.

I would say that it’s natural to have Mom-Guilt so don’t try to escape it and just find ways to work your way around it. Have some time for yourself and you will love to be back with your child with more eagerness and happiness.

These are just my experiences and views. I am not recommending or advising against anything.

What are the top causes of your Mom-Guilt and how do you defeat them? Please share.