Body Image Issues

I’m OK with Not Being Perfect

Every person is different and that’s what makes them unique and actually perfect in themselves.

The concept of perfection has become so flawed and yet so rampant that many of us have started comparing ourselves to everyone on social media. There are many aspects of comparison but comparing the shape and size of bodies is the most common. Daily we look enviously at models, skinny moms, actresses and even at our neighborhood lady. While comparing, we forget that everybody not only has different body types but also completely different lifestyles and priorities. This is where Body Positivity comes in.

Body Positivity Articles
It’s human nature to compare and proliferation of social media has made it very easy. Isn’t it funny how many of us end up losing our mental peace for something that is not even worth it most of the times? There’s no smartness in valuing your body over your being.

I was never skinny but never fat either. By the time I entered late thirties, I started seeing changes in my body. I gained weight easily and didn’t seem to lose it easily. Then I got pregnant and put on another 10 kilograms. I lost it all within two months of delivery but didn’t lose many inches and soon after, I started gaining weight again.
I started walking and some exercise but couldn’t get regular thanks to mommy duties. We live in a nuclear setup and don’t have full time maids which meant that I couldn’t find time for my own health. Rather than going crazy, I decided to look at Body Positivity. A good thing I have started during this time is intermittent fasting which helps even though I end up eating sweets quite often. The guilt creeps up but still self-control isn’t my forte. Who can I blame then?

body positivity
Rather than wanting a toned body without doing much about it, I have started to take things as they come. I feel good now that I have decided to take things as they come, I’ve become more confident.

You might say that you are doing everything and still very far from your ideal weight; it can just be your body type or maybe you need a little more time. The plan should be to never give up on yourself. Fat or thin, you need to love yourself. It’s not that I don’t want to lose 10 kgs but I have accepted that it will take some time. Till then, I try to pose in flattering angles and embrace Body Positivity 😛
I’m okay with not being perfect
‘Cause that’s perfect to me
‘Cause that’s perfect to me
‘Cause that’s perfect to me

Do you also feel that awareness about Body Positivity is important?

I thank Priyanka Sehgal who blogs at https://mommynshanaya.wordpress.com for introducing me. She is a dear friend who writes about things close to her heart on her blog. I would also take the opportunity to introduce Sthuti Panigrahy Singh who blogs at https://mommyaccountsays.wordpress.com.

It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers, am celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. This post is a part of #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon hosted by @mylittlemuffin_mom @mommyvoyage and @themomsagas, sponsored by @kaurageousyou.

Self Love Quotes

How I Discovered Self Love by Shaking Things Off

Shake it off, shake it off…

Self Love is our first and last love & this song ‘Shake It Off’ by my favourite Taylor Swift speaks my mind.

I never fitted in the standards that our society has set for being ‘beautiful’. Being dusky with average features and glasses is hardly what one will call a pretty girl. My friend was fair and was pleasant to look at. Even though we were always together, I could never shake off the feeling that she is getting compliments, getting noticed while I was just ‘her friend’.

Not just looks, I never felt confident about any of my capabilities. I was always shy about saying what I wanted. My parents didn’t pay attention to this thing and never really encouraged me to speak up. In my home, we did what our father said and that was it. I was so timid that I kept doing things, I didn’t actually want. I got my real voice only after marriage but wasn’t able to shake off the feeling of not being able to realize my potential in the direction I wanted.

Self Love Images

And then came motherhood with a whole new set of expectations and dos and don’ts. They said that babywearing is bad for baby’s bones. They said that you should have continued breastfeeding your baby till she was 3. They said that you should have lost all the pregnancy weight in a year. Initially, I went crazy thinking about everything that I had to do and the person I had to become. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of not being the ‘perfect mom’ we see on Internet and everywhere in media.

Still, somewhere I knew that I will get around to doing this mom-thing in a way that suited me and my family. I knew because I had already dealt with a society biased towards ‘beauty’ and that wanted me to do what I was ‘supposed to do’. This slowly yet constantly increasing confidence didn’t come overnight. It came when I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. It came when I made peace with my appearance. It came when I left my ‘secure’ job and explored opportunities that interested me. It came when I saw my daughter growing well and turning into a clingy toddler. Yes, even a nerve-wracking toddler is a sign that you are a great mother because the baby trusts you completely. This all contributed to my realization of Self Love.

Self Love

I am dancing on my own and many times with my daughter in my arms (clinginess!) but the music in my mind says that it’s going to be alright. And I trust that music now because right now I am the most self-assured, I have ever been. This is Self Love and I am proud to be moving in the right direction. I am never going to be perfect but I am just right so Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake…

I shake it off, I shake it off.

Do you practice Self Love?

I thank Priyanka Sehgal who blogs at https://mommynshanaya.wordpress.com for introducing me. She is a dear friend who writes about things close to her heart on her blog. I would also take the opportunity to introduce Sthuti Panigrahy Singh who blogs at https://mommyaccountsays.wordpress.com.

It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 30 other bloggers, am celebrating Women’s Day with a twist. This post is a part of #UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon hosted by @mylittlemuffin_mom @mommyvoyage and @themomsagas, sponsored by @kaurageousyou.

How To Deal With Physical and Emotional Exhaustion

Mommy Is Tired But Here’s How She Deals With It

The life of a mom and tiredness are mostly inseparable. Yesterday, a mom sent me a DM asking how I am not tired while she feels dull in just an hour. The mom in question is really young and has an almost 2 year old baby.

I responded by saying that even I am tired all the time but her question was how she can come out of it. Such a thing is somewhat difficult to answer as every mom lives in different circumstances. For me, in the first year of motherhood, I hired a cook while a cleaning lady was always there. I don’t have to give breakfast and lunch to the husband as he gets it all in the office. When the baby is small there is no real mess to take care of so I managed despite several meltdowns that happened purely because I was learning to be a mom. And yes, I left my work-from-home job to avoid exhaustion.

Why Is Mommy Tired

Recently, I have let my cook go as Idhaya plays independently for some time and I can cook for two people then. I just cook the basics nothing fancy. Don’t get fooled though as many of these simple meals are cooked while Idhaya is clinging to my leg. Still, with not much to do, I manage to take a little rest here and there. I sleep by 10:30 mostly and wake up by 6 to go for a walk. It helps that Idhaya sleeps through the night and is completely weaned off breastfeeding.

It can still get tiring as I have to be on my toes with a toddler but following things help-

Eating Well- Eat fresh and healthy food. Don’t compromise on this however busy or tired you are. I am not suggesting anything fancy, just normal home-cooked food that you eat. Ask your doctor and include some supplements as well. Some people say that supplements are not essential. They aren’t but they help a lot especially if you are a mother.

Overcoming Tired Mom Syndrome

Off-loading- Or sharing your work whether it’s with hired help, your husband or any other member of the family. Ask for help from family and if they deny, do only as much as you can. Don’t try to make everyone happy.

Letting it be- Mess can wait, peace of mind can’t. Don’t try to keep your house spick and span all the time. It will come crashing down anyway when you have a baby. Give your time to only the things that need immediate attention.

Cutting off- When Idhaya sleeps, I go in hibernation mode too. I completely forget that there’s so much to do. In her nap-time, I only do the things that make me happy. There are exceptions sometimes but only when something is really important. If possible, leave the baby at home and go out alone even it’s for just an hour.

Staying Happy- This coming from a person who always finds a reason to sulk is kind of groundbreaking. Trust me, it helps. It’s not easy to be happy when there is so much around to drive you crazy but now I am learning to smile at Idhaya’s antics whether she breaks something or spills water or poops in her nappy during her diaper free time. I feel that you have to deal with it anyway so why not do it calmly. My husband has noticed this change and keeps complimenting me. Keep distance from negative and judgmental people. They don’t deserve your attention so don’t let them get to you. Simply brush off the things that you don’t like.

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

And you know what will work best? Chuck all the advice, dance without music while folding the laundry or sing at the top of your voice. Sounds weird but it’s fun and makes you feel lighter.

Tiredness is not just physical but also mental so channel your energies only on the important things. Life feels lighter and happier this way.

world menstrual hygiene day 28 may

From Cloth to Cloth Pads- My Menstrual Hygiene Learning Curve

This World Menstrual Hygiene Day (May 28th), our endeavour is to break the taboo that engulfs this natural phenomenon that is the basis of very existence of human life on earth. This post is a part of a Blog Train hosted by Anupriya of www.mommytincture.com where 14 wonderful ladies (including yours truly) have stepped forward to express themselves this #MenstrualHygieneDay and stress on the fact that there are #NoMoreLimits for a woman. I would like to thank Yogita from http://www.directingdreams.com for introducing me. Yogita is a wonderful poetess who has intended to bring smile on people’s faces.

Menstruation is a taboo subject in many Indian households and my house was no different. My mom never told me or my sister anything about it. Thankfully, I found an article about it in a magazine and asked mom but she was reluctant to talk about it.

world menstrual hygiene day

And then the day came when I was about 14 years old. I got my period and very shyly told mommy about it. Then I was introduced to a combination of cloth and pads to get me through those 5 days. Luckily mommy didn’t believe in washing those clothes and we just threw them.

Better quality pads were considered expensive so I carried on like that for almost 9 years and then I got a job. I immediately switched to Ultra pads and have been using them since.

Now there are many other options available for menstrual hygiene. I have always been scared of tampons so when eco-friendly menstrual cups arrived in the scene, I was wary and have not been able to convince myself to use them.

Cloth pads are also available easily which are again better for our environment but the question is of washing. I am considering using them though or at least give them a try on the days when I know that I will find time to wash them.

world menstruation day

The other Menstrual Hygiene steps that I follow are washing hands with soap every time I go to pee. I change my pad every four to five hours and wash my vaginal area with water often. Once a day I use a vaginal wash like any other day.

This World Menstrual Hygiene Day, I just intend to keep following the simple steps I use already and am gonna get myself cloth pads.

So, this is what I have learnt in so many years and have chosen what suits me. What do you do for menstrual hygiene?

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce Neha Mani Mishra of  http://www.nehammishra.com . Neha is a full time mom to a three year old girl. She shares many useful tips to help fellow mommies on her blog. Head to her blog to read the next post in this Blog Train.

But wait there’s more! You stand a chance to win a DEA Corp Menstrual Cup worth Rs. 2500/-. You just have to visit http://www.mommytincture.com/2018/05/27/menstrual-cups-boon-menstrual-hygiene/ and leave a comment about your #NoMoreLimits experience.

I Love My Husband More than My Daughter

So finally, I get to say it! For starters, I don’t have to worry about him falling from the bed (or maybe I have to :P). On our wedding anniversaries, I write letters to my husband which are basically all the good things that he has done in that year. When I was pregnant, I wrote that he will always be my first priority. Easier said than done as babies are not only attention seekers, they actually need it.

i love my husband more than anything

Obviously, I have to keep Idhaya’s needs on top these days and Mr. TRM18 has been sidelined. We both barely get to speak to each other a sentence which is not about her- her food, savings for her, shopping for her, diaper changes, potty training, bedtime and everything in between. It so happens that I find many opportunities to want to punch him or at least scream (I choose screaming). Yet, I Love My Husband More than My Daughter.

why you should love husband more than kids

When I come out of all the chaos, the first thought is always his. I think about all the mean things I said to him in the last 24 hours and he took it silently (or with some opposition). I think about the time when it was just the two of us and I used to be this clueless kid, to him I still am his big baby, who had no idea how to behave in groups or how to speak to new people and even how to talk to elders. He has shaped me into a socially acceptable human being.

Not that it’s ambiguous, my husband is the reason I even thought of having a baby, leave alone conceiving her. Without him, I wouldn’t be sitting at my dining table typing this post 😀 And that’s why I Love My Husband More than My Daughter.

I Love My Husband More than My Daughter

The question of who you love more is always tricky and picking either your spouse or children seems impossible. To some, it may even seem silly but my choice is clear even though he leads by just 1 point.

Can you pick a favourite between your better half and your kids? I Love My Husband More than My Daughter. Are you also partial to your spouse?

9 Learnings of A One Year Old Mom

Seriously, I am not into learning things I don’t want to but somehow mommyhood has managed to teach me few needed and many not needed lessons. Some are of the life-skill variety and others are just there because I had no idea what motherhood comprises of. I have learnt funny and the not so funny realities but mind you I haven’t mastered any of these. So let’s see exactly What Motherhood Has Taught Me-

1.Patience

A mother is supposed to be really patient but I’m sure that most of us are not built that way. We are not born with patience (have you ever seen a really accommodating baby?) and it comes only with experience. I am lucky to have an embodiment of tolerance in my husband and he’s the one who pointed out that being impatient is one of my shortcomings.

Then came Idhaya who drives me crazy with her antics and there is little I can do about it. The only option I have is to learn the art of patience. I yell at her but not as much as I would have yelled at another baby doing the same things so it’s progress.

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

2.Mess and  happiness can live together

This coming from an organization freak is a scandalous statement! I don’t have ‘before’ pictures with me or I would’ve shared a ‘before and after’ scenario of my home. My home now basically looks like a garbage dump but you know what, I have to turn a blind eye towards it. What Motherhood Has Taught Me is to look beyond such things. The reason being I don’t get much time to myself and whatever precious ‘me time’ I get is for doing things that are just for myself like Instagram, online shopping or reading. And so we live happily in a messy house.

3.Love

Not that I don’t love my husband and honestly I still love him a little more than Idhaya (sorry baby!). The difference is that in motherly love, I only give without getting any favours. Loving unconditionally is What Motherhood Has Taught Me. Please don’t tell me that her smile and happiness is what I get because for me it’s a by-product of what I do for her.

what motherhood feels like

4.Unselfishness

Ha! So this is another life-skill that I am trying to imbibe. My current level of unselfishness is putting Idhaya’s needs before mine and giving her my rabbit soft toy that I have kept very carefully since last 5 years.

5.Confidence

Want to asses my progress? Asses my confidence because it’s the most important of the things What Motherhood Has Taught Me. I have risen above people-pleasing and judgments after becoming a mom. I would add that my frequency of judging others has also come down drastically.

6.Letting Go

Letting go of things that won’t matter in a few years from now What Motherhood Has Taught Me. It makes your mind free and I have felt it lately. Initially when Idhaya won’t sleep and I rocked her, I used to think that she will get habitual of this but I carried on thinking that it will continue for a maximum of three years or so. Guess what? She doesn’t need to be rocked to fall asleep anymore. When she’s sleepy, I simply lay her next to me and enjoy her happy smile before she falls asleep on her own.

mommy blog india

7.There is no best way to mother

Oh yes and many moms will agree with me (though my mom never will) on this. Your mothering style is unique and what works for you is the best (don’t be abusive though!).

8.I am amazing

I still can’t believe that I have not only become pregnant, given birth but have even managed to raise a baby on my own. With a lot of help from the Internet of-course but I am so proud of myself.

9.Sleep is not mandatory

Idhaya used to wake up every 2-3 hours till 3-4 months of age but luckily she almost always went back to sleep after feeding. Now she wakes up just once at night that too because of hunger. There are off days but mostly it’s great. Now, for a sleepyhead like me, waking up at odd hours wasn’t easy but now I’m habitual of it. I have realized that I can do with interrupted sleep.

This is What Motherhood Has Taught Me. What are your Learnings From Motherhood?

3 Reasons Why I Don’t Want to be A Mom Once Again

I can give you hundreds of reasons for not wanting to have another baby but I don’t have time to write that much because the baby will nap for just 30 minutes.

Even before my blog happened, I used to think that if I write my autobiography, I’ll name it ‘The Reluctant Mom’ :D. But again, who would want to read the life story of a lesser mortal yet I started blogging.

Anyway, these days every other person I see is like- have the second one soon as your biological clock is ticking. I say that I don’t want to and then get to hear that you will want to in a few years. The most popular reason to have another baby is to give company to the first one. People say that you won’t be there forever and who will support Idhaya then. It’s also said that single kids are self-centered but I don’t believe in that as I have seen enough single children who are perfectly nice.

edf

Some day, I might lose my mind and agree with all these arguments and so I decided to write down this post. It will act as a reminder to keep me away from making the disastrous decision. The things that make me Not Wanting Second Baby are summarized here.

1.Body Troubles

My pregnancy was smooth apart from the backache in the last trimester which ensured that I couldn’t turn easily while sleeping. Then came the excruciating labour pain and finally the delivery. Don’t get me started on episiotomy and the uneasiness that lasted for 15 days every time I wanted to sit after lying down for a while.

Weight gain and protruding tummy are total deal breakers and make my resolve of Not Wanting Second Baby even firmer. I am working on my body and I don’t want to undo the hard-work by going back there.

I don’t have in-laws living with me so even though I have a part-time maid and a cook, I don’t get much respite. Many times, I have to hold Idhaya in one arm while doing some chore or the other. My left hand is in constant pain. Baby-wearing comes to rescue in such situations but I would prefer being free.

rpt

2.Mind Games

Worrying about Idhaya all the time has given me mom-brain which has resulted in forgetfulness of the next level. I get up in the morning and the first thought is what I will give my daughter in various meals today. When I was not a mom, this was last of my worries but now preparing food for her while she clings to my leg and wails is plain torture for both of us.

I have to watch her like a hawk lest she harms herself or creates a catastrophe in the house. Not Wanting Second Baby seems like the best option otherwise after becoming a watchman, I’ll have to become an umpire too 😛

My house is a mess and it drives me crazy as I am an organization-freak. I hate the current state of my home but there is little I can do.

Why I Don't Want to be A Mom Once Again

3.Affordability

Not to forget the all important financial point, we can’t give the same lifestyle to another child. And more importantly, I don’t want to compromise on her education. We are a middle class family and can afford only one child going to a posh school and her higher education at an international destination. With two children, we’ll either have to compromise on this or will have to forget about our own desires. Not Wanting Second Baby surely seems like a wise decision when I think of this.

Simply put, I don’t want to spend all my time, energy and money on kids. I have my own life and want to focus on myself. With one more baby, as soon as I am out of all the current mess, I’ll be pulled back in a vortex of s**t. With two kids, I might forget to live my life and become like my own parents who worked only for their three kids and now none of us lives with them.

I don’t want to appear depressing but giving my best is possible only if I have just one child. Some might call me selfish but I have always been like this despite being raised with two other siblings 😛

What do you think about Not Wanting Second Baby?