I can give you hundreds of reasons for not wanting to have another baby but I don’t have time to write that much because the baby will nap for just 30 minutes.
Even before my blog happened, I used to think that if I write my autobiography, I’ll name it ‘The Reluctant Mom’ :D. But again, who would want to read the life story of a lesser mortal yet I started blogging.
Anyway, these days every other person I see is like- have the second one soon as your biological clock is ticking. I say that I don’t want to and then get to hear that you will want to in a few years. The most popular reason to have another baby is to give company to the first one. People say that you won’t be there forever and who will support Idhaya then. It’s also said that single kids are self-centered but I don’t believe in that as I have seen enough single children who are perfectly nice.
Some day, I might lose my mind and agree with all these arguments and so I decided to write down this post. It will act as a reminder to keep me away from making the disastrous decision. The things that make me Not Wanting Second Baby are summarized here.
My pregnancy was smooth apart from the backache in the last trimester which ensured that I couldn’t turn easily while sleeping. Then came the excruciating labour pain and finally the delivery. Don’t get me started on episiotomy and the uneasiness that lasted for 15 days every time I wanted to sit after lying down for a while.
Weight gain and protruding tummy are total deal breakers and make my resolve of Not Wanting Second Baby even firmer. I am working on my body and I don’t want to undo the hard-work by going back there.
I don’t have in-laws living with me so even though I have a part-time maid and a cook, I don’t get much respite. Many times, I have to hold Idhaya in one arm while doing some chore or the other. My left hand is in constant pain. Baby-wearing comes to rescue in such situations but I would prefer being free.
Worrying about Idhaya all the time has given me mom-brain which has resulted in forgetfulness of the next level. I get up in the morning and the first thought is what I will give my daughter in various meals today. When I was not a mom, this was last of my worries but now preparing food for her while she clings to my leg and wails is plain torture for both of us.
I have to watch her like a hawk lest she harms herself or creates a catastrophe in the house. Not Wanting Second Baby seems like the best option otherwise after becoming a watchman, I’ll have to become an umpire too 😛
My house is a mess and it drives me crazy as I am an organization-freak. I hate the current state of my home but there is little I can do.
Not to forget the all important financial point, we can’t give the same lifestyle to another child. And more importantly, I don’t want to compromise on her education. We are a middle class family and can afford only one child going to a posh school and her higher education at an international destination. With two children, we’ll either have to compromise on this or will have to forget about our own desires. Not Wanting Second Baby surely seems like a wise decision when I think of this.
Simply put, I don’t want to spend all my time, energy and money on kids. I have my own life and want to focus on myself. With one more baby, as soon as I am out of all the current mess, I’ll be pulled back in a vortex of s**t. With two kids, I might forget to live my life and become like my own parents who worked only for their three kids and now none of us lives with them.
I don’t want to appear depressing but giving my best is possible only if I have just one child. Some might call me selfish but I have always been like this despite being raised with two other siblings 😛
What do you think about Not Wanting Second Baby?
The Reluctant Mom18