How To Deal With Physical and Emotional Exhaustion

Mommy Is Tired But Here’s How She Deals With It

The life of a mom and tiredness are mostly inseparable. Yesterday, a mom sent me a DM asking how I am not tired while she feels dull in just an hour. The mom in question is really young and has an almost 2 year old baby.

I responded by saying that even I am tired all the time but her question was how she can come out of it. Such a thing is somewhat difficult to answer as every mom lives in different circumstances. For me, in the first year of motherhood, I hired a cook while a cleaning lady was always there. I don’t have to give breakfast and lunch to the husband as he gets it all in the office. When the baby is small there is no real mess to take care of so I managed despite several meltdowns that happened purely because I was learning to be a mom. And yes, I left my work-from-home job to avoid exhaustion.

Why Is Mommy Tired

Recently, I have let my cook go as Idhaya plays independently for some time and I can cook for two people then. I just cook the basics nothing fancy. Don’t get fooled though as many of these simple meals are cooked while Idhaya is clinging to my leg. Still, with not much to do, I manage to take a little rest here and there. I sleep by 10:30 mostly and wake up by 6 to go for a walk. It helps that Idhaya sleeps through the night and is completely weaned off breastfeeding.

It can still get tiring as I have to be on my toes with a toddler but following things help-

Eating Well- Eat fresh and healthy food. Don’t compromise on this however busy or tired you are. I am not suggesting anything fancy, just normal home-cooked food that you eat. Ask your doctor and include some supplements as well. Some people say that supplements are not essential. They aren’t but they help a lot especially if you are a mother.

Overcoming Tired Mom Syndrome

Off-loading- Or sharing your work whether it’s with hired help, your husband or any other member of the family. Ask for help from family and if they deny, do only as much as you can. Don’t try to make everyone happy.

Letting it be- Mess can wait, peace of mind can’t. Don’t try to keep your house spick and span all the time. It will come crashing down anyway when you have a baby. Give your time to only the things that need immediate attention.

Cutting off- When Idhaya sleeps, I go in hibernation mode too. I completely forget that there’s so much to do. In her nap-time, I only do the things that make me happy. There are exceptions sometimes but only when something is really important. If possible, leave the baby at home and go out alone even it’s for just an hour.

Staying Happy- This coming from a person who always finds a reason to sulk is kind of groundbreaking. Trust me, it helps. It’s not easy to be happy when there is so much around to drive you crazy but now I am learning to smile at Idhaya’s antics whether she breaks something or spills water or poops in her nappy during her diaper free time. I feel that you have to deal with it anyway so why not do it calmly. My husband has noticed this change and keeps complimenting me. Keep distance from negative and judgmental people. They don’t deserve your attention so don’t let them get to you. Simply brush off the things that you don’t like.

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

And you know what will work best? Chuck all the advice, dance without music while folding the laundry or sing at the top of your voice. Sounds weird but it’s fun and makes you feel lighter.

Tiredness is not just physical but also mental so channel your energies only on the important things. Life feels lighter and happier this way.

Love

The Reluctant Mom

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Mom Guilt Toddler

Mom Guilt and How I Deal With It

As if the life of a mother wasn’t tough already, Mom-Guilt creeps up to make it even harder. Mom-Guilt is simply a feeling that you have committed a blunder or many blunders while carrying out your motherhood duties. It can be something as simple as taking out time for yourself or something big like having a second child.

Like any other mom, I go on such guilt-trips multiple times a day- when I raise my voice at Idhaya, when I fail to notice that she has pooped and she stays in the soiled diapers for some time, when I forget her iron-dosage, when I give her a little extra screen time…the list of reasons behind mom-guilt is endless.

The guilt trip lasts for anywhere between a few seconds to a year or more (I have only this much experience being a mommy!). I read a lot of articles about Mom-Guilt and have found out that there’s no escaping this feeling.

Mom Guilt Trip

You can never be the perfect mom because there’s no such thing. The perfect mom is like a Unicorn which people believe exists but no one has actually seen it. If you are making nutritious food, doing the laundry, giving the medicines on time then there is every possibility that you will miss out on the diaper change that’s supposed to happen every 2-3 hours.

My other finding about Mom-Guilt is that if you feel it, you care a lot about your kids. After all, we worry only about the stuff we care for. It means that you are not such a bad mother after all!

My biggest Mom-Guilts are giving Idhaya screen-time, yelling at her, using disposable diapers and not giving my 100% attention to her all the time. Other little things keep happening but I get over them quickly.

Dealing with mom guilt

How I Deal With Mom-Guilt

Screen-Time- At the beginning, I had decided that I wouldn’t let Idhaya watch TV before she turns 2 years old but guess what, Idhaya has been watching TV since she was about 10 months old. It’s not like she watches it whole day but she does watch it. The most important time is morning, when I need to prepare breakfast for the two of us and then need to have my Tea with it. I turn on TV and get some relief. Still, she doesn’t stay in front of it for long as she misses her Momma a little too much. I also give her screen-time when I want to watch something interesting on TV so obviously she gives me company.

Rather than going on a guilt-trip, I have understood that I won’t be able to stay sane sans TV for her. A sane mom raises a sane baby so it’s OK.

Yelling- I am a short tempered and impatient person. Though I have tried to control these vices, I still haven’t been able to stay calm when Idhaya does something that I don’t like. I completely understand that she is a baby and still learning so she’s bound to do things as she likes.

Yelling occasionally is still fine but when I find myself loosing my s**t way too much, I give myself a reality check. I also tell myself that I will overcome this with time. Many times, when I just can’t control myself, I calm down by telling myself that what Idhaya is doing right now won’t matter in a few years. I care about her and it’s my duty that I don’t pass on my temperament to her. Thinking like this helps, trust me.

How to deal with mom guilt

Using Disposable Diapers- I tried but washing poopy diapers is simply not my thing. Besides poop, babies also need to be monitored for pee and I just can’t keep changing cloth nappies or even the modern cloth-diapers all day. As I just told that I am already short tempered, dealing with pee and poop will surely make me go wild. There are other ways to care about our environment and I follow them like not wasting water and electricity.

Not Paying Attention- As much as I try, it’s not always possible for me to be 100% present in every moment. I kick myself for this and feel that she will grow up and I will miss out. Then I realize that I am around her at all times whether watching her every movement or not. I ensure that she’s safe and clean and happy. Isn’t it enough? Mamma needs to zone out sometimes to realize that her baby is the most precious thing she has made.

I would say that it’s natural to have Mom-Guilt so don’t try to escape it and just find ways to work your way around it. Have some time for yourself and you will love to be back with your child with more eagerness and happiness.

These are just my experiences and views. I am not recommending or advising against anything.

What are the top causes of your Mom-Guilt and how do you defeat them? Please share.

Love

The Reluctant Mom

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Rent toys and books in India

The Best Toys and Books Renting Subscription in India, Rentoys Review

I decided to write regularly but again got stuck. Now, I am breaking my hiatus from blogging with something I and especially Idhaya enjoyed a lot. It’s a toys and books renting service that delivers all over India- Rentoys.

As much as I like to buy new toys and books for Idhaya, I can’t always do it. The main reasons are the cost and the clutter at home. Add to this the fact that like every kid, Idhaya gets bored of things very fast so many times an expensive toy seems like a waste of money.

rentoys india review

Rentoys has solved all these problems. They have toys and books for every age group of kids from zero to twelve years olds. As of now, they have the following subscription plans-

Toy Box- The rent for ‘Big Box’ starts from INR 1499/- and for ‘Small Box’, it starts from INR 849/-. The big box carries 4-5 toys of your choice worth INR 10,000 and the small one has 1-3 toys worth INR 5,000.

Book Box- It costs INR 749 per month and carries 5 books of your choice.

You can get the boxes at discount if you subscribe for three months plan. Another way to get 15% discount is to use my code- TRMM on Rentoys Website

All you have to do is subscribe, pick age appropriate stuff and add it to your wish list. Once you subscribe, they pick available toys from your wish-list, add it to your box and send you an email for confirming the same. If you want a change, they make it and ship the box to you.

There is no security deposit if you are paying through credit card and very nominal deposit if you choose any other payment method.

toy rental india

My Experience with Rentoys-

The ordering process is simple and easy. They even connect you with a Customer Relationship Manager who keeps you updated via WhatsApp. My box was delivered promptly and the toys were shrink-wrapped and packed in a sturdy plastic box.

I got 3 toys and all of them were clean and in very good condition. The toys I ordered were- Hape Walk-A-Long Snail, Fisher Price Feelings Monster, Hape Double Bubble.

The company suggests giving 1 toy per week to the baby but I gave 3 in 3 days itself as Idhaya gets bored easily. The toys I chose are being loved by Idhaya and she plays with them daily. She’s learning to sort the shapes which is making me elated.

toy renting india

Each toy is cleaned and sanitized before sending to the next customer. If you have more than one kid, you can choose a mix of toys and books for different age groups.

Rentoys Toys and Books Subscription Service has a special section for Montessori toys too so you can pick something specific as well.

If your little one isn’t done with the toys, you can keep them for more than a month by paying the rent for the next one.

To sum it up, I have become a fan of Rentoys and will keep ordering new toys for Idhaya. If you also want to save time and space, head to Rentoys now. Don’t forget to use my discount code TRMM while checking out to get 15% off on any box.

Click on the image and subscribe now-

Rentoys

 

Have you tried a toy renting service? How was your experience?

Love

The Reluctant Mom

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world menstrual hygiene day 28 may

From Cloth to Cloth Pads- My Menstrual Hygiene Learning Curve

This World Menstrual Hygiene Day (May 28th), our endeavour is to break the taboo that engulfs this natural phenomenon that is the basis of very existence of human life on earth. This post is a part of a Blog Train hosted by Anupriya of www.mommytincture.com where 14 wonderful ladies (including yours truly) have stepped forward to express themselves this #MenstrualHygieneDay and stress on the fact that there are #NoMoreLimits for a woman. I would like to thank Yogita from http://www.directingdreams.com for introducing me. Yogita is a wonderful poetess who has intended to bring smile on people’s faces.

Menstruation is a taboo subject in many Indian households and my house was no different. My mom never told me or my sister anything about it. Thankfully, I found an article about it in a magazine and asked mom but she was reluctant to talk about it.

world menstrual hygiene day

And then the day came when I was about 14 years old. I got my period and very shyly told mommy about it. Then I was introduced to a combination of cloth and pads to get me through those 5 days. Luckily mommy didn’t believe in washing those clothes and we just threw them.

Better quality pads were considered expensive so I carried on like that for almost 9 years and then I got a job. I immediately switched to Ultra pads and have been using them since.

Now there are many other options available for menstrual hygiene. I have always been scared of tampons so when eco-friendly menstrual cups arrived in the scene, I was wary and have not been able to convince myself to use them.

Cloth pads are also available easily which are again better for our environment but the question is of washing. I am considering using them though or at least give them a try on the days when I know that I will find time to wash them.

world menstruation day

The other Menstrual Hygiene steps that I follow are washing hands with soap every time I go to pee. I change my pad every four to five hours and wash my vaginal area with water often. Once a day I use a vaginal wash like any other day.

This World Menstrual Hygiene Day, I just intend to keep following the simple steps I use already and am gonna get myself cloth pads.

So, this is what I have learnt in so many years and have chosen what suits me. What do you do for menstrual hygiene?

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce Neha Mani Mishra of  http://www.nehammishra.com . Neha is a full time mom to a three year old girl. She shares many useful tips to help fellow mommies on her blog. Head to her blog to read the next post in this Blog Train.

But wait there’s more! You stand a chance to win a DEA Corp Menstrual Cup worth Rs. 2500/-. You just have to visit http://www.mommytincture.com/2018/05/27/menstrual-cups-boon-menstrual-hygiene/ and leave a comment about your #NoMoreLimits experience.

Love

The Reluctant Mom

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its ok to not be a yummy mummy

It’s OK to Not Be a Yummy Mummy

There are so many ways to categorize moms but the most coveted tag is that of a Yummy Mummy. It simply means a mother who is attractive and stylish. The tag looks harmless and it indeed is until and unless there is a pressure on mommies to look a certain way. As if the unrealistic images of models were not enough, now we are bombarded with images of mothers who are not only thin and glamorous but also have their lives in control.

btr

These days every other mom wants to look like Kareena Kapoor or her favourite mommy blogger. What these moms forget is that there is no need to fit in every mould there is. Each one of us is unique, beautiful and totally awesome. You can be plus size or a size zero, you may afford expensive photo shoots or you may not, you may always be well turned out or you may not; none of this adds anything or takes away from your motherhood.

About ‘lives in control’ part- some people do it better than others but again this doesn’t make others worse off. If you have a baby who is a total angel, that’s great and others whose babies are like mine, lower your expectations. No havoc will be wreaked if your little one tastes salt or sugar before age 1, their mental development will not be hampered with those few minutes of screen-time, speech-problems are unlikely just because your 3 years old is still on a bottle, you certainly don’t have to read daily to your babies to turn them into readers, not everything that touches your baby has to be organic and so on.

5 things I want my daughter to learn

The best we can do is not judge any mom or anyone else for that matter. Don’t be nasty just because she posts beautiful pictures shot by a pro. Don’t bring her down because she posts pixelated images. A super-fit mom has worked hard on her body while a not so shapely mom doesn’t has this in her list of priorities. Just do your thing and let others do theirs.

The list of dos and don’ts for moms is so long that I am sure that even the creator of the list won’t be able to find the head and tail of it. So just chill while you can as your little one is about to wake up from their nap!

What do you think of the Yummy Mummy phenomenon?

Love

The Reluctant Mom

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What Is In My Toddler Survival Kit?

Have you ever heard of such a thing before? Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t but the point is that all toddler-moms have a survival kit which is essential to keep them sane especially when they are out of the house. For me, I can manage at home but as soon as I am out, I need to be sure that I have some essentials with me. It doesn’t matter whether I am going out for a few hours or for a few days.

My Toddler-survival kit is made of my diaper bag. Now let’s take a sneak peek at the contents. Diapers don’t count as the bag isn’t call a ‘diaper’ bag for no reason. Here’s what I have to carry when I Travel With Toddler-

1. Baby Carrier

Babywearing is my thing and it’s essential for me and Idhaya whether at home or out and about. I love my Soul Slings Full Buckle Standard Soft Structured Baby Carrier to the core and I am sure that even though she can’t speak yet, Idhaya loves it too. If I am going out alone, carrier is the most important thing for me.

travel with toddlers

Even if I am going out with the husband, Soul Baby Carrier is a must. We both take turns in carrying her if we have to walk a lot and carrying a baby in Soul Full Buckle is easy. It saves a lot of trouble and we get to enjoy our outings when we Travel With Toddler.

2. Wet Wipes

travel with a baby

Ask any mom and she will tell you that she has at least one pack of wet-wipes in her bag. These little things come handy whether Idhaya spits food, pukes in the car, gets dirt all over herself and obviously when she poops.

3.Extra Clothes

travel with toddlers blog

And socks. For the reasons mentioned above, I have to carry at least one pair of fresh clothes for my little monster. You never know what catastrophe is in the making by these innocent little ones. I would suggest taking two extra sets of clothes when you Travel With Toddlers.

4. Food and Water

travel with toddlers

Even if you are OK with giving outside food to your little one like me, you need to carry some snacks and sometimes even a full-fledged meal. Hunger strikes these little tornadoes at odd times and a parent has got to be ready. Water has to be carried for obvious reasons.

5.Toys

what's in my toddler survival kit

Mind You, it cannot be any toy rather a toy she hasn’t seen in in the last one month or so otherwise there is no chance for it to succeed in the throes of tantrums. So, I carry 1-2 toys that she likes but have been kept away for just the moments of need. It helps a lot in Travel With Toddler as they get occupied. Sometimes, a break of 10 minutes is all you need.

What do you carry when you Travel With Toddler?

Love

The Reluctant Mom

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I Love My Husband More than My Daughter

So finally, I get to say it! For starters, I don’t have to worry about him falling from the bed (or maybe I have to :P). On our wedding anniversaries, I write letters to my husband which are basically all the good things that he has done in that year. When I was pregnant, I wrote that he will always be my first priority. Easier said than done as babies are not only attention seekers, they actually need it.

i love my husband more than anything

Obviously, I have to keep Idhaya’s needs on top these days and Mr. TRM18 has been sidelined. We both barely get to speak to each other a sentence which is not about her- her food, savings for her, shopping for her, diaper changes, potty training, bedtime and everything in between. It so happens that I find many opportunities to want to punch him or at least scream (I choose screaming). Yet, I Love My Husband More than My Daughter.

why you should love husband more than kids

When I come out of all the chaos, the first thought is always his. I think about all the mean things I said to him in the last 24 hours and he took it silently (or with some opposition). I think about the time when it was just the two of us and I used to be this clueless kid, to him I still am his big baby, who had no idea how to behave in groups or how to speak to new people and even how to talk to elders. He has shaped me into a socially acceptable human being.

Not that it’s ambiguous, my husband is the reason I even thought of having a baby, leave alone conceiving her. Without him, I wouldn’t be sitting at my dining table typing this post 😀 And that’s why I Love My Husband More than My Daughter.

I Love My Husband More than My Daughter

The question of who you love more is always tricky and picking either your spouse or children seems impossible. To some, it may even seem silly but my choice is clear even though he leads by just 1 point.

Can you pick a favourite between your better half and your kids? I Love My Husband More than My Daughter. Are you also partial to your spouse?

Love

The Reluctant Mom18

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